Isn't it Ironic...

Well, the thing that is odd about DJ's birthmother is that she is just full of coincidences. Take, for instance, the fact that she called on 6-6-06 to tell us of her impending visit. Well, the other coincidence is that today, the day she arrived, also happens to be trash day. Coincidence? Maybe not. I think it must have been planned out that way. She took DJ to Golden Corral, which seemingly appears to be a four star resturant in her world. David thinks maybe she has a radar for Golden Corrals all over the globe. She has the rare capability to corral the the Golden Corrals. David called during their visit to describe the debacle that is Golden Corral on a Friday night in rural Ohio. There was almost a fistfight involving two patrons where the word "whore" was thrown around copiously. There were drunk tattoed men and mullets. See, this is where family dining and family entertainment beautifully co-mingle.
You may ask yourself, why? Why does Bree hate her so? Well, my delightful audience, I don't have time to type out all the whys and hows. I can tell you that I will never, ever forgive and forget the things she has done, and continues to do, to hurt him. It's either that she is purposefully trying to screw him up, or that she is such an absolute drunken moron that she doesn't realize what she is doing to him. Either way, I can't forgive her for either. You know, that makes a sick person, one who carries around the anger and the hatred and the un-forgiveness. You can bet that during these visits I do feel sick. I sometimes think no one will ever understand how I feel, and how David feels, for that matter, about her and her horrible boyfriend.
The good news is that the more that time passes, the more DJ is able to question. Question "why did she do those things to me? Why didn't she care? Why did she let her boyfriend hurt me? Why does she lie to me? Why is she still living with the person who abused me? Why did she choose him over me?" All of those are questions he is starting to ask himself, and her. Unfortunately, she can't give him any real awnsers. She just sits there and denys it or crys like a slobbering pig.
Maybe I am too angry to write about this right now. But maybe I will never stop being angry and this is just the truth of how I feel. I can't apologize for being upset when she comes, or weepy when I have to sit at home with half of my family away from me because she scheduled her once-a-year trip to suit her fancy. I can't sit here and think happy nice thoughts when I am taking care of the person she tried to break. I can't write something nice right now. I take 2 steps forward with DJ, I make a little headway, I see a light there, and then she visits and it's 2 steps back. I become, for the duration of the visit and sometimes for a couple of weeks thereafter, "not really my real mom, but still my mom, just not my biological mom." That's right, he is right. I am not the mom that comes here and drops a load of cash on him like it's Christmas in June. It's pathetic, really, and deep in his heart he knows it. He is to the point now where he realizes she is just a windfall a couple of times a year, one who happens to be able to wear the namebadge of "biological" mother and magically disappears more than David Copperfield at a Vegas show. I even told him when he asked me for some crap at Target the other day to wait and ask her for it. Heck, I might as well take advantage of it,too, we don't get a financial break from buying necessities ever.
Tomorrow she takes him to the waterpark, and then to Dave and Buster's to play videogames and eat dinner. Sunday she leaves, again, probably until next year.
Oh! It could be so easy to have a baby and give everything up, let other people care for your child, and only come around like a Christmas clown once a year. Didn't you know that all it takes to be a good mother is a couple of trips to play videogames and some cheesefries at Golden Corral? Well, who would have thought!?
She is gone on Sunday... that will be my mantra.